news

Yippiezzzzz...

I have shifted to http://whateverlarjiahui.blogspot.com

Hmmm... =) A brand new start. I hope so lar~

again, some randomz stuffff

When is the last time we chatted so much and for so long? I can't remember. I guess it was N months ago. N months. Haha. There is too much to say. Too much. But I chose to push that away. "Never mind", I told myself. For my yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away... at some place far away.

butterflies are free to fly,
why do they fly away?

you flew away,
leaving some traces behind.

and i left myself wandering through this life with dreams that are fleeting away.

**
My BerryBlueBeaniePlant is showing some signs of revival.
Oh my gosh... I am excited!!

over....

i was thinking about my 3 years before and after stpm. it has been 3 years plus since then. indescribable. no one really knows how i felt at that time. neither did i try to explain. well, i dunno what caused me to flip the photo album this morning. and some things which happened this evening. my heart suddenly sank. well. the years before stpm. i kinda missed those days. well taken care of. pampered. loved. haha, *kind of lar~*. anyway, it's over now. so no point thinking about it. =p it's time to get back to my notes and study.

more randomz stuff

This morning.....
I am reminded of this....

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

**

Last night, I had a good time talking and laughing. Hmm.. I really needed it, before I go nutz teruk-teruk. =) Some usual chit-chatting.. but it really challenged me to trust God in all things. ALL.

**
Once, I was addicted to online chess.
Now, I am addicted to facebook Sudoku. Help me ar!

first thing of the day... and to my horror....

my Berry Blue Beanie Plant is dying...... ooohh nnnnoooooo.....!!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling super sad now. super.

=... (

ooouchh...

nice sunset. spent some time thinking about something. and realized that i have always been wanting this, wanting that; wanting more of this, and wanting more of that; complaining about this, complaining about that; crying over this, crying over that; sighing about this, sighing about that... teruknya aku ni...

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.

oh well.. HE is knocking some sense into my head...
*ooouchh...*

another 3 more papers to go. praying hard that things will be ok. one-of-a-kind mood doesn't help in studying. oh boy...

unimaginable.

think of me.

I will be there when you call.
I will see you through it all;
And even in your darkest hour,
I pray that the Lord we found
Will set you on solid ground.
**
I know that it feels like leavin
Is a part of letting go.
But I'm prayin with hope and believin
That I'll see you once again down this road...
I hope that it won't be long!
**
I know God brought you as a friend
**
What can I say to show you
I'll never give up on you,
I will be waiting for you?

-Think of Me, Rachael Lampa & Mark Schuzlt-

I pray that the Lord will set you on solid ground.
real solid ground.

take care, my friend

randomz stuff

I am feeling sleepy. weee... Plant Structures and Functions on Monday. die. Prinsip Teknologi dan Pengajaran. die die. Komputer untuk Pendidikan. die die die. Pengenalan kepada Gender. die die die die. haih. sigh. cham. sei. blah. darn. alamak. help! I am going nutz, everyday got to spend a considerate amount of time reading all the articles, memorizing whole chunk of computer terms, visualizing the morphogenesis of leaf, formation of pollen grains and embryo sac and endosperm, thinking about the teaching methods and objectives and other stuff. help!

I am feeling very full, had thosai for supper just before midnight. Cam-whored during the last 10 minutes in cell with the cell group members. my favourite hobby and I can't wait to see those pictures. Marwan came with braided hair and he looked so different.. =)

I am feeling sleepy. what's wrong with me? blah. haha. gone crazy. weee... hehe, the bean in my room is growing, re-planted it with soil today. *beaming*

Grow, Berry Blue! Grow! (Berry Blue is the name we gave to the bean I bought in Bukit Tinggi two months ago). Oh, how I miss Bukit Tinggi, man! Haha, the Burger King and the McD made me thought of BT when I was on the way to Genting for PoT's. Wawawa....

Alright.. my bed is summoning me... nitezzz

thinking

oh well. the studies of gender and the reflections upon my own life have really gotten me thinking about things in life which we have taken for granted, practices which we think are normal and should-be-the-way. most of us never really bother even if those things come from men's perspectives, men's ideas, men's experiences. and all these shape what women think about themselves, their roles in the society, their abilities, their bodies and etc. subordination of women. patriarchal society. silence and absence and non-presence of women. all these just kept me thinking. efforts to break free from such 'social norms', such 'enculturation' by the society.... is that possible? how would you withstand the pressure of being labeled as 'deviant'? is that possible with the resurgence of somewhat stronger patriarchal mindset among men(not all, and some women) of the day, to keep men and women at where they are? what do women feel having to be in a so called 'lower' position, being the 'inferior' ones? what do men feel having to be in the opposite situation of women, and that they are required('forced' by social norms) to be the head, the provider, the man? inequality between the two sexes. and such inequalities extended to all areas, resulting the different forms of discrimination we see today. between races, ethnics, classes, skin colour, sexual orientation and etc.

what kind of work can we engage ourselves in to contribute to the building of a society where equality is the thing that holds everyone together? well, is it possible for that to happen? what kind of efforts can we make, using ourselves as a starting point? by fighting for equalities for women that there shouldn't be separations and segregations of space, job, roles and etc according to gender, are we saying that such thoughts and actions are not in line with Christians worldview that man is to rule and woman is to be submissive, man is the leader and woman, the follower? patriarchy is everywhere in the Bible. or is it because of the sinful nature of humankind that patriarchy, a type of social order has turned into a monster, making it one of the roots of all kinds discrimination?

too much of gender stuff and they just get me thinking.

well, i may be wrong. i don't know. what say you?

morning.

Feeling the moment slip away
Losing direction you're losing faith
You're wishing for someone
Feeling it all begin to slide
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again
How will you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you

Turning to face what you've become
Bury the ashes of someone
Broken by the strain
Trying to fill that space inside
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself
-Feeling a moment, Feeder-

***

who are you that i am wasting my time on you and things about you?
who are you that i am forced to run and hide?
who are you that i am to suffer like this?
who are you that i am to act and pretend?

who are you? who are you to me? who are you to the me in me?

***
argh, what nonsense am i saying here?
exam stress yeah. darn. yeah right.

something and someone

"Men in our families are like the sun, they have a light of their own(they own resources, are mobile, have the freedom to take decisions, etc). Women are like satellites, without any light of their own. They shine only if and when the sun's light touches them. This is why women have to constantly compete with each other for a bigger share of sunlight, because without this light there is no life." -A rural woman-

What the woman says struck me every time I read this portion of some Gender articles.

I guess this happens not just to women in rural areas, but also to those in urban areas. It doesn't matter whether she is a housewife, a doctor, a factory worker, a sales girl, a teacher, an office lady, an engineer, a politician and etc... It showed me how much women are dependent upon men as their provider for all basic needs.. physical, mental, emotional, for security, for companionship and etc, that their lives are only secured and complete when there is this one man. I can't help but agree that such thought has been internalized in a woman since she was young, and is further reinforced by all kinds of social relations in her life. No matter how successful and established a woman is(whether in the end, she is single or married), I believe that at different points of her life, she too struggles with such needs. A needs and dependency which is so interwoven with all kinds of things in a woman's life.....

Well, maybe that's the reason why
we are looking and waiting for that
someone...

Will we be able to break free from such dependency on men?

Not in the mood.

Darn.

餘情未了 卻不敢夢和想
**
情懷如雨 永遠沒晴朗

........

yippie

I am feeling sleepy. Drank coffee. Drinking 100 plus now(instead of coca-cola). Sigh. Got so bored of studying. Oh my gosh. Exam is on Wednesday. Etika dan Perguruan. Darn.

I have been reading articles upon articles. chunks and chunks of words. blah blah blah..

Last night's FES 45th Anniversary Thanksgiving and Dinner... haha... I met my mum's cousin. What a surprise!! I was kinda excited about it coz' usually I only get to meet up with him and his sisters during CNY or any big occasions among my maternal relatives. Oh well, they are the ones who brought me to Sunday school long long long time ago. =) Yo... those were the days, man!

Hmm.. what else? Neh... nothing much lar. That's all, I think. Oh ya, lately I am addicted to modifying my pictures to black and white. Haha. That's one of the things I do to waste my time, besides facebooking and daydreaming. Alright, I better start studying. Issshh...

random

26th October, 1pm. I am still studying the Gender stuff (oh well, since I started the day Gender has been on my mind, in front of me, beside me....). Drinking the cekap vanila coke belanja-ed by my roomie. =) *and i'm flying.. weeeee....*

***

Listening to jiwang Sammi Cheng's song. Haha.. =p

無援地傷心一場 沒法知一些感情真相

餘情未了 卻不敢夢和想
無援地傷心一場 沒法可走出癡情方向
情懷如雨 永遠沒晴朗
(情懷如雨 怕再度回看)

面對愛你不懂去收放
如能為你我 願賠上今天的創傷
令我再次失望 還是情深一往
愁時共你笑亦和你是我一生中的理想

***

Yesterday evening during dinner time... my roomie and I spotted a leng chai who looks like LeeHom and Hero from TVXQ. Well-built, fair, nice features.. blah blah blah. I think he is a Korean. Hmm, one thing good about staying in MC -- chances of seeing some good looking international students are quite high.

Stalk them? Haha... that's what my roomie suggested. Neh... it must be too much of cutting and pasting and doing assignment la you! Hahhaah... What about me? It must be too much of sex dan gender and peranan sosial dan kawalan and realiti wanita dan simbol-simbol yang seksis and perspektif gender... blah blah blah... Sweat!

study lar~

Now it's already 10.30pm. I have been studying the Gender stuff for the whole night(and plus the 2 hours before dinner at 6pm). Sex vs Gender. Biologically determined vs socially constructed. Women's studies vs Men's studies. First wave feminism. Second wave feminism. Third wave feminism. This and that. Identity politics doesn't really make sense to me. Still struggling to understand the notes coz' the BM used in the notes is so darn one kind. Berputar-belit with long BM sentences. Great patience and supernatural understanding are needed to figure out what those BM sentences are talking about....

Read one round? Make sense? *scratch head* No. Ok, read another round. Make sense now? Not really. Oh well, read another round then! *got a bit bengang* Make more sense now? Sigh, a bit lar~ Oh God, help me....!

I came across some parts of the notes and I find it quite one-of-a-kind...
"Politik adalah mengenai pengambilan subjek-subjek melalui proses-proses pembentukan identiti-identiti .... identiti yang dibentuk melalui pergerakan-pergerakan sosial baru --- dengan meletakkan dalam agenda identiti-identiti ..." blah blah blah..... My tongue got twisted a bit reading that line.

"Wanita sedar bahawa pengetahuan yang dikonstruk lelaki mengenai wanita iaitu mereka adalah deviant dari segi fisiologi dan saikologi(I thought it's supposed to be psikologi, but never mind) kepada definisi wanita sebagai bukan pekerja biasanya diterima sebagai pengetahuan objektif tetapi pengetahuan yang dihasilkan oleh wanita biasanya dianggap sebagai subjektif". I got to read the first part of the sentence for N times only then I kinda understood what it is about. Darn.

The farthest distance
.
..
...
....

iseriouslydon'tknowhowtoexplainwhatisonmymindit'sterribledarnterriblehateditseriouslyhateditstupidmewhat'swrongwithme
littlewonders.chasingcars.somewhereonlyweknow.secretgarden.
reallyfeltlikebangingmyheadtothewallstudyingplantstructuresandfunctionstokeepthatthingoutofmymind
blind.fourinthemorning.emotion.overyou.ghostofyouandme.
butthisoutofsightoutofmindthingydoesn'treallyworkforthiscaseidon'tknowhowamigoingtosurviveandmoveonandgetoveritandputanendtoit.
whenyou'regone.thelonggoodbye.mywish.

is what hurts the most.

Sigh.. I couldn't really understand this and that....

how arh...?

Facebook

Sigh. I am addicted to Facebook. Perhaps I should just lock my laptop in the cabinet and hide the key in somewhere I know and go study gila-gila for exam, then after a while go and find the key to unlock the cabinet and take out the laptop and plug in the cable and log in and go online to throw some food, superpoke some people, bite some chumps, fight against some vampires and werewolves and slayers and zombies, draw some graffiti, update my mood, earn some money for Food Fight and to buy food for my MooLoo, pet my MooLoo and other peoples' Fluff like Mooorni, Bummer Jr., Marshmallow, Jinraph, Joeyz, Elle, Tofy, Piggi, and etc, get some bumper sticker, receive some gifts, send some gifts, nominate people for some Superlatives thingy... and the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.....

Alright, it's enough! I am going offline now to study the darn etika notes. Sigh. What is this...?!

I am hungry..... hmmm... Oops, I haven't fed my MooLoo...

Love this pic a lot! =)

got it from Tim's multiply

Concubine Lane@Panglima Lane

Hidden within it... are the stories of different people

random

My bro, advertising for Ricola.

Cam-whoring runs in my family. Oops, or is it because of my influence? =p

home.

I had a great time at home. worked in the shop. drove here and there. listened to some stories. ate nice home cook food. read a few pages of etika notes. being at home is always the most wonderful thing in life. really.

This was taken by my sister. Can you see the rainbow?

I took some (ahem, not 'some', but 'a lot of'!) pictures from my house compound

These 4 pics were taken in the evening.
It was pretty cloudy in Ipoh for the past few evenings.


This was taken this morning. This kind of 'misty-misty' feel always happens at my place.
My dad always jokingly says that we are staying in Genting.


My mum's darlings...

I am back from PoT's. The time spent there was truly a wonderful experience and I really learned a lot from the speakers, my friends, my Small Group and Buzz Group members and etc. Hmm oh yeah, one of the best things in PoT's was the super cekap scenery. Erm, we took quite a number of pictures (i am a vain PoT, so do some of them. what to do?).

Well, some parts of the conference weren't easy for me. Things which I need to look into. Struggles. Past hurts and regrets. Broken heart. Shattered dreams...

The sessions reminded me a lot of things. It has helped me to once again look at the reason why 'teaching' was in the list some time ago. Hmm, there are other things which God spoke to me through people during the conference and I really thank God for it. Erm, I shall call those things 'a pleasant surprise which is kinda scary at the same time'. =)

**
A heart that truly wants to bring healing and wholeness to many broken lives...

***

PoT's 2007
From Jonah to Nehemiah

Oh ya, I am going back to Ipoh tomorrow morning! Yay!!

last night

Oh well, I had a great time last night. From making pizzas to frying nuggets to responding to the boiling water in Rachael's kitchen yada yada... Hmm, the gathering was a good one. =)

The girls and Ben.

Let's look at what happened in the afternoon before the bunch of people came...

Preparing the pizzas. It was kinda fun to do that. =)

Washing stuff and frying the golden crispy nuggets. And Rachael was busy taking pictures and laughing at me frying the nuggets.

Advertising for Whatever and Anything.

More advertisements. =P

What makes last night a very special night? I did something which I have never done before... only you understand what I am saying here lar~ What a crazy woman I am!

Hmm, I'll be off for PoT's from 12th to 16th.

=)

One more day.

One more day.

One more day.

One more day.

One more day.

God's WAY is to REVEAL AS WE WALK.

I spent about 4-5 hours just to come out with a 3-pages essay on one of the six teaching methods I am using for my 'lesson plans' assignments. I have 5 more teaching methods in the lesson plans, which is about another 15 pages more to go. And I have to hand in the stupid donkey assignment on Monday. Die. Die. Die.

Hhhhelp meeeeeee.......!!!!!

We were looking at the pine cones on one evening. You picked up one and said...

"... unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies,
it remains only a single seed.
But if it dies,
it produces many seeds ..."

continue from the previous post...

Posers giler~


I like these pictures lar~

Well, I guess all this happened due to the influence of The American Next Top Model. And hence we have...

Hmm, basically this was what we did for the weekend. I really enjoyed the weekend bumming around with my darlingz ~ Panjang and Penjang@Pandek in this town called Banting.

Pendek, Penjang@Pandek, Panjang
Love you two lotz, man!