morning.

Feeling the moment slip away
Losing direction you're losing faith
You're wishing for someone
Feeling it all begin to slide
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again
How will you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you

Turning to face what you've become
Bury the ashes of someone
Broken by the strain
Trying to fill that space inside
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself
-Feeling a moment, Feeder-

***

who are you that i am wasting my time on you and things about you?
who are you that i am forced to run and hide?
who are you that i am to suffer like this?
who are you that i am to act and pretend?

who are you? who are you to me? who are you to the me in me?

***
argh, what nonsense am i saying here?
exam stress yeah. darn. yeah right.

Not in the mood.

Darn.

餘情未了 卻不敢夢和想
**
情懷如雨 永遠沒晴朗

........

study lar~

Now it's already 10.30pm. I have been studying the Gender stuff for the whole night(and plus the 2 hours before dinner at 6pm). Sex vs Gender. Biologically determined vs socially constructed. Women's studies vs Men's studies. First wave feminism. Second wave feminism. Third wave feminism. This and that. Identity politics doesn't really make sense to me. Still struggling to understand the notes coz' the BM used in the notes is so darn one kind. Berputar-belit with long BM sentences. Great patience and supernatural understanding are needed to figure out what those BM sentences are talking about....

Read one round? Make sense? *scratch head* No. Ok, read another round. Make sense now? Not really. Oh well, read another round then! *got a bit bengang* Make more sense now? Sigh, a bit lar~ Oh God, help me....!

I came across some parts of the notes and I find it quite one-of-a-kind...
"Politik adalah mengenai pengambilan subjek-subjek melalui proses-proses pembentukan identiti-identiti .... identiti yang dibentuk melalui pergerakan-pergerakan sosial baru --- dengan meletakkan dalam agenda identiti-identiti ..." blah blah blah..... My tongue got twisted a bit reading that line.

"Wanita sedar bahawa pengetahuan yang dikonstruk lelaki mengenai wanita iaitu mereka adalah deviant dari segi fisiologi dan saikologi(I thought it's supposed to be psikologi, but never mind) kepada definisi wanita sebagai bukan pekerja biasanya diterima sebagai pengetahuan objektif tetapi pengetahuan yang dihasilkan oleh wanita biasanya dianggap sebagai subjektif". I got to read the first part of the sentence for N times only then I kinda understood what it is about. Darn.

The farthest distance
.
..
...
....

iseriouslydon'tknowhowtoexplainwhatisonmymindit'sterribledarnterriblehateditseriouslyhateditstupidmewhat'swrongwithme
littlewonders.chasingcars.somewhereonlyweknow.secretgarden.
reallyfeltlikebangingmyheadtothewallstudyingplantstructuresandfunctionstokeepthatthingoutofmymind
blind.fourinthemorning.emotion.overyou.ghostofyouandme.
butthisoutofsightoutofmindthingydoesn'treallyworkforthiscaseidon'tknowhowamigoingtosurviveandmoveonandgetoveritandputanendtoit.
whenyou'regone.thelonggoodbye.mywish.

is what hurts the most.

Sigh.. I couldn't really understand this and that....

how arh...?

Facebook

Sigh. I am addicted to Facebook. Perhaps I should just lock my laptop in the cabinet and hide the key in somewhere I know and go study gila-gila for exam, then after a while go and find the key to unlock the cabinet and take out the laptop and plug in the cable and log in and go online to throw some food, superpoke some people, bite some chumps, fight against some vampires and werewolves and slayers and zombies, draw some graffiti, update my mood, earn some money for Food Fight and to buy food for my MooLoo, pet my MooLoo and other peoples' Fluff like Mooorni, Bummer Jr., Marshmallow, Jinraph, Joeyz, Elle, Tofy, Piggi, and etc, get some bumper sticker, receive some gifts, send some gifts, nominate people for some Superlatives thingy... and the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.....

Alright, it's enough! I am going offline now to study the darn etika notes. Sigh. What is this...?!

I am hungry..... hmmm... Oops, I haven't fed my MooLoo...

One more day.

One more day.

One more day.

One more day.

One more day.

I spent about 4-5 hours just to come out with a 3-pages essay on one of the six teaching methods I am using for my 'lesson plans' assignments. I have 5 more teaching methods in the lesson plans, which is about another 15 pages more to go. And I have to hand in the stupid donkey assignment on Monday. Die. Die. Die.

Hhhhelp meeeeeee.......!!!!!

neh

Your Score: Matt Parkman
You scored 50 Idealism, 33 Nonconformity, 29 Nerdiness

I don't want to be a chump.

Congratulations, you're Matt Parkman! You're a great person: caring, hard-working, and honest. You might not have the best of luck, but you do your best in all areas of life. Your kind and responsible nature is rare, and you should be proud of it.

Your best quality: Heart

Your worst quality: You may take more abuse than you deserve

I found this in Jon's blog. =)

**

Thing to do... prepare for presentation ~ Violence Against Women on coming Tuesday. Argh..

**

Sweeping something. Don't ask me what it is. You won't know. And I know I will survive and get over it. Muahahahaha...

**

My room smells like dobi to the max and now I got to look like a Ninja. Talking about ninja... I like the Ninja Turtle Leonardo. Click on his name to know more about him. Hehe.. there's some similarities of character between me and my fav Ninja Turtle.

crazee...

The let's-go-crazee session after at Paandhi after com meeting was fun. 7 of us there and we were talking about all kinds of ports and ships. Long ships, short ships, ports and beaches, binocular and etc. Some more later on we added some miniature ships and ports. Boats and jetty. Hmm, not bad right? Haih, it's a long story la. Now my mind is not really functioning after one day of cekap activities ~~ watching seniors being 'thrown' and attending meeting and having more meat and reading more stuff on violence against women and playing some ganas game.

Well.. I wonder.. Where are you lar, my ship?

Muahahahaha....

O.N.w.t.K.

I found this video clip.. wee..!! Haiyo, I like this song I Still Believe by Hayden Panettiere very much.... Suddenly felt like watching the show again. *bleh*

Cause I still believe in destiny
That you and I were meant to be.
I still wish on the stars as they fall from above
Cause I still believe, believe in love
**
I know what's real cannot be denied
Although it may hide for a while..
With just one touch love can calm your fears
Turning all your tears into smiles
**
Love can make miracles
change everything
lift you from the darkness and make your heart sing
Love is a river when you fall
it's the greatest power of all

Ahem, it's just a post-One-Night-with-the-King-syndrome.

Aha! It's bedtime again!

T.W.T.D.

This morning, I bummed into some ex-schoolmates' blogs.

Oh well, those were the days... You don't need to think a lot before you decide on anything.

Those were the days... You go to school to talk crap, to walk up and down the school compound in a super slow pace just to kill time.

Those were the days... You just want to be rebellious and do all kinds of funny funny stuff in school, want to act as 'big sister' using 'torchlight' to shine your konco-konco and purposely challenge the prefects, the teachers and some classmates you don't like. *But then, I have no guts to do those not-so-good-things... So, let's forget about it.*

Those were the days... You study 'paktohlogy', besides biology, chemistry, physics, maths, history, chinese(and cantonese in an informal way), BM, English, Moral(duh...), KH, Geography... Successful rate of paktohlogy? Don't bother to ask, yeah?

Those were the days... You are super hopeful for a lot of things. You have a dream(or dreams, whatever). You set your goals, you know what you want in life. You are enthusiastic. You look forward to come out and work. *But now.... whatever lar...*

*feeling kinda nostalgic now, duh*

L or R?

Jumping up and down from a wall.

Left hurts. Right also hurts... Haiyo... How huh? I thought of choosing to stand on the wall. But that doesn't feel any better than choosing sides. Balancing yourself is a tough act. *duh...*

Stop saying whatever, can you??!!

Oh well..

When I let it sink in
It's all over me

Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning and the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight

Four in The Morning, Gwen Stefani

S. A.

This is my 206th post after about 16 months... *so what?? Nothing, saje-saje la...*

I need to take a special course on some management stuff.
Don't ask me what and why.

Balik Ipoh for the weekend.
I can't wait to breathe the Ipoh air.
I want to see my dad..
mum..
sisters..
cute little brother..
I want to see my grandma..!!

And I want to know what happened...

My thoughts are a bit messy and kelam-kabut... it's almost 2 in the morning...

I want a good weekend.
And I really needed it BADLY!!

S. A. = stay away

Crap

Hmm.... the one brouhaha thingy among the SEP students(esp non-malays).... Gotta wear formally from tomorrow onwards... And some more itz EVERYDAY ... What the heck!

No mood to blog so much about this now... *Darn people*

dreamz

I dreamt of some big fat cockroaches last night. They were in my room... super huge and with many eyes. *Sigh, must be because of roomie's BeelzeBUG and The Simpsons Movie... 'Thousand eyes, Twisted tail... EPA! EPA!'*

*whatever*

I have gone gila since the beginning of the sem. Nvm. Just hope that I won't go too far beyond control. Oh God, help me!

*

Rain rain go away...

come again another day....

I know...

that you are the reason.
**
Well, the heart of the problem is
the problem of the heart.

Broken-hearted