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Yippiezzzzz...

I have shifted to http://whateverlarjiahui.blogspot.com

Hmmm... =) A brand new start. I hope so lar~

again, some randomz stuffff

When is the last time we chatted so much and for so long? I can't remember. I guess it was N months ago. N months. Haha. There is too much to say. Too much. But I chose to push that away. "Never mind", I told myself. For my yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away... at some place far away.

butterflies are free to fly,
why do they fly away?

you flew away,
leaving some traces behind.

and i left myself wandering through this life with dreams that are fleeting away.

**
My BerryBlueBeaniePlant is showing some signs of revival.
Oh my gosh... I am excited!!

over....

i was thinking about my 3 years before and after stpm. it has been 3 years plus since then. indescribable. no one really knows how i felt at that time. neither did i try to explain. well, i dunno what caused me to flip the photo album this morning. and some things which happened this evening. my heart suddenly sank. well. the years before stpm. i kinda missed those days. well taken care of. pampered. loved. haha, *kind of lar~*. anyway, it's over now. so no point thinking about it. =p it's time to get back to my notes and study.

more randomz stuff

This morning.....
I am reminded of this....

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

**

Last night, I had a good time talking and laughing. Hmm.. I really needed it, before I go nutz teruk-teruk. =) Some usual chit-chatting.. but it really challenged me to trust God in all things. ALL.

**
Once, I was addicted to online chess.
Now, I am addicted to facebook Sudoku. Help me ar!

first thing of the day... and to my horror....

my Berry Blue Beanie Plant is dying...... ooohh nnnnoooooo.....!!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling super sad now. super.

=... (

ooouchh...

nice sunset. spent some time thinking about something. and realized that i have always been wanting this, wanting that; wanting more of this, and wanting more of that; complaining about this, complaining about that; crying over this, crying over that; sighing about this, sighing about that... teruknya aku ni...

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.

oh well.. HE is knocking some sense into my head...
*ooouchh...*

another 3 more papers to go. praying hard that things will be ok. one-of-a-kind mood doesn't help in studying. oh boy...

unimaginable.

think of me.

I will be there when you call.
I will see you through it all;
And even in your darkest hour,
I pray that the Lord we found
Will set you on solid ground.
**
I know that it feels like leavin
Is a part of letting go.
But I'm prayin with hope and believin
That I'll see you once again down this road...
I hope that it won't be long!
**
I know God brought you as a friend
**
What can I say to show you
I'll never give up on you,
I will be waiting for you?

-Think of Me, Rachael Lampa & Mark Schuzlt-

I pray that the Lord will set you on solid ground.
real solid ground.

take care, my friend

randomz stuff

I am feeling sleepy. weee... Plant Structures and Functions on Monday. die. Prinsip Teknologi dan Pengajaran. die die. Komputer untuk Pendidikan. die die die. Pengenalan kepada Gender. die die die die. haih. sigh. cham. sei. blah. darn. alamak. help! I am going nutz, everyday got to spend a considerate amount of time reading all the articles, memorizing whole chunk of computer terms, visualizing the morphogenesis of leaf, formation of pollen grains and embryo sac and endosperm, thinking about the teaching methods and objectives and other stuff. help!

I am feeling very full, had thosai for supper just before midnight. Cam-whored during the last 10 minutes in cell with the cell group members. my favourite hobby and I can't wait to see those pictures. Marwan came with braided hair and he looked so different.. =)

I am feeling sleepy. what's wrong with me? blah. haha. gone crazy. weee... hehe, the bean in my room is growing, re-planted it with soil today. *beaming*

Grow, Berry Blue! Grow! (Berry Blue is the name we gave to the bean I bought in Bukit Tinggi two months ago). Oh, how I miss Bukit Tinggi, man! Haha, the Burger King and the McD made me thought of BT when I was on the way to Genting for PoT's. Wawawa....

Alright.. my bed is summoning me... nitezzz

thinking

oh well. the studies of gender and the reflections upon my own life have really gotten me thinking about things in life which we have taken for granted, practices which we think are normal and should-be-the-way. most of us never really bother even if those things come from men's perspectives, men's ideas, men's experiences. and all these shape what women think about themselves, their roles in the society, their abilities, their bodies and etc. subordination of women. patriarchal society. silence and absence and non-presence of women. all these just kept me thinking. efforts to break free from such 'social norms', such 'enculturation' by the society.... is that possible? how would you withstand the pressure of being labeled as 'deviant'? is that possible with the resurgence of somewhat stronger patriarchal mindset among men(not all, and some women) of the day, to keep men and women at where they are? what do women feel having to be in a so called 'lower' position, being the 'inferior' ones? what do men feel having to be in the opposite situation of women, and that they are required('forced' by social norms) to be the head, the provider, the man? inequality between the two sexes. and such inequalities extended to all areas, resulting the different forms of discrimination we see today. between races, ethnics, classes, skin colour, sexual orientation and etc.

what kind of work can we engage ourselves in to contribute to the building of a society where equality is the thing that holds everyone together? well, is it possible for that to happen? what kind of efforts can we make, using ourselves as a starting point? by fighting for equalities for women that there shouldn't be separations and segregations of space, job, roles and etc according to gender, are we saying that such thoughts and actions are not in line with Christians worldview that man is to rule and woman is to be submissive, man is the leader and woman, the follower? patriarchy is everywhere in the Bible. or is it because of the sinful nature of humankind that patriarchy, a type of social order has turned into a monster, making it one of the roots of all kinds discrimination?

too much of gender stuff and they just get me thinking.

well, i may be wrong. i don't know. what say you?

morning.

Feeling the moment slip away
Losing direction you're losing faith
You're wishing for someone
Feeling it all begin to slide
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again
How will you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you

Turning to face what you've become
Bury the ashes of someone
Broken by the strain
Trying to fill that space inside
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself
-Feeling a moment, Feeder-

***

who are you that i am wasting my time on you and things about you?
who are you that i am forced to run and hide?
who are you that i am to suffer like this?
who are you that i am to act and pretend?

who are you? who are you to me? who are you to the me in me?

***
argh, what nonsense am i saying here?
exam stress yeah. darn. yeah right.