Saturday night!

I was reading some old emails I received and some things I wrote somewhere some time ago. It brought me back to those days when I struggled like hell to get over some problems. Some of the problems still exist and they still bug me once in a while. Reading back those emails and writings reminded me that all things are in the hands of God, that He has only my good at heart. And that He has redeemed me and is in control of everything - your past, present, and future. *Although this may sound a bit inhumane to some, as if you are a puppet... yada yada...*

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I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in His hands

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go
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Haih, sometimes I just couldn't understand how I can be so darn stubborn. Worse than a cow(don't ask me "why cow?"). It hit me real hard that I love myself more than I love the people around me, that in some areas of life I love myself more than I love God, and that I am resisting His ways and works in those areas. Oh well, I always feel that I am a Jonah.

I got so fed up thinking about those dreams and ambitions I once had, feeling frustrated and angry over it because they are nowhere near me. Darn, can't I see and will I not understand that LIFE is NOT always about what I want, my dreams, my goals...??!! *Come on, Jiahui... Gotta drill this into your head and heart!!!!!*

Shouldn't my goal be 'listening to God's heart and living life His way'? Shouldn't my goal be loving God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength? Shouldn't my goal be loving my neighbour as myself?

Am I willing?
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Answer me, WJH!
Answer me!!