Monday, July 16, 2007

It came back.

I had a good weekend in PD. The Leaders' Retreat was good. And I really thank God for speaking to each one of us, teaching us His ways, assuring us that His presence with go with us and before us.

Introduction to Gender Studies. I kept looking at my watch every few minutes. She kept changing the slides. Every time she wanted to change the slides, my heart was full of expectation that she will say, "Ok, I think I will stop here and continue next week..." *yada yada...*

JV was in 6th college, meeting up with the Medic students. Well, it came back... since this afternoon while I was in the Pekan Buku with Adelene. And it continues till now. The heart is bleeding coz of the old wound, the mind is confused coz of the crazy thoughts about this problem which started 2 years ago. I kind of felt that it's too late to do anything but the Nut said 'Nothing is ever too late'.

*I dunno how to describe what I am feeling right now. But I guess people will never understand this. Sigh. It's painful. It's disturbing. It's still kinda disappointing. The passion is still there but I have kind of understood that you may not get(and for my case, 'I will NEVER get') the chance to do what you are really passionate about. And God brought it back to my mind coz He wants me to learn something. And I know that very well. But having to think about it again is a killer, serious... It really pulls my day down...*

A heart that truly wants to bring healing and wholeness to many broken lives...

Lord, give me that heart...

What a Jonah I am!

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