DOwn.. down.. and down..

I m feeling kinda down.. just feel like crying... but cannot la, I m in the sc fac com lab..

Suddenly, I was being 'attacked' by the same old problem that bugged me for quite some time before the sem started.

Why am I still asking that question?
I know ROmans 8:28, perhaps in my mind, not in my heart.
I know Isaiah 55:8-9, perhaps in my mind, not in my heart.

I thought I am already ok with it.. but who knows.. the past few days, the things that happened, the conversation that took place.. kinda brought back some parts of my life which I thougth I have already overcome.

SOmetimes, during the classes in Edu fac, I would sit there, with my mind wandering here n there, wondering why am I here doing Edu fac punya courses. SOme people who knew me, they were kinda surprised by the course I m taking in UM now. Hmm, anyway, no one knows me better than God does.

Perhaps, I m still 'lost', dun really know what I want. But there is a question I need to ask myself. Which is more important--'what I want' or 'what God wants'.

HE kinda 'screwed' up my life.. making me so confused with what I want to do in the future. I know this is not the right way to express myself, like giving a bad testimony about Him. But I can't hide from what I m feeling la. Shucks.. why can't I stop thinking about myself??!!

I can't even fully trust Him in this matter about my future.. somemore want to think about going full-time.. teruknya..

I learned from the Bible study... when you have chosen to follow Christ, you no longer can do what you want. ANd there is a constant battle in your heart. A pig with a cat's heart. No offense, please.

I don't like to be in a situation where I dun have control over certain things, things which are very closely related to me. Just like what I m experiencing now.. I kinda 'lost control' of my life. My friends say this is when our faith so called 'comes into action', to trust Him that He has our good at heart, to trust Him that He knows what He is doing in our lives.

If He closes a door, He has a reason .. I need to listen to His "why" and look for His opening. It is not hard to find. Often times, the difficulty is because it's not an opening I want.

There are truths which I need to knock them into my head, heart...... that my future is safe in His hands.. that He has a plan for me.. that He knows what He is doing in my life.. By the way, this is not my life, but a new life given freely by what Christ has done on the cross.



Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Isaiah 55:8-9 (New International Version)
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts